As a husband and father, I think it is pretty clear what I value. I think it is pretty clear what is important to me. But what does my wife and daughter think I value most? Would it be the same list? What do I communicate about my priorities on a daily basis? What legacy am I leaving? How am I living my life? Is it hypocritical or authentic?Â
This past Wednesday morning, I took part in an exercise that actually listed what I value the most. I was given a list of 20 values and was asked to prioritize my top 5. After picking my top 5, the facilitator then said, “Now if you gave this same list to your family, would they make the same list you did or have something different?” About 50 men then looked at each other and smiled uncomfortably.
I’ve thought a lot about that exercise in the last 24 hours. I had to muster up the courage, take a risk, and find out what I was communicating as a husband and father. I needed to know what my family thought.Â
Just in case you have a desire to take the same journey I did, here is the list of 20 Values to choose from:
- Accomplishment (Mastery and achievement)
- Advancement (Progress up a ladder)
- Adventure (New and challenging experiences)
- Competitiveness (Winning, taking risks)
- Contribution (Assisting others, improving society)
- Cooperation (Teamwork, getting along)
- Economic Security (Steady, adequate income)
- Family Balance (Family members are satisfied)
- Freedom (Independence, autonomy)
- Friendship (Close relationships with others)
- Health (Physical and mental well-being)
- Honesty (Truth)
- Integrity (Sincerity, standing up for beliefs)
- Order (Tranquility, stability, conformity)
- Pleasure (Fun, laughter, comfort)
- Power (Control, authority, influence)
- Recognition (Respect from others, status)
- Spirituality (Strong religious/spiritual beliefs)
- Wealth (Making money)
- Wisdom (Understanding life)
From that list, I picked my Top 5 values in order – Spirituality, Order, Accomplishment, Economic Security, and Family Balance.
Then my family picked what they thought my Top 5 values were:
- My wife – Family Balance, Economic Security, Pleasure, Competitiveness, and Spirituality.
- My daughter – Pleasure, Competitiveness, Family Balance, Spirituality, and Integrity.
Here is my evaluation of their thoughts:
- I am a Christian. Both saw that as a strong value though I wish it was higher than 5 and 4. I need to work on that.
- They both know how important they are to me listing my commitment to their happiness as 1 and 3.
- They both think I’m highly competitive while I don’t see myself as competitive at all. Interesting. This is obviously a blind spot for me.
- While I see myself as wanting a life that is very, very calm (Order #2), they saw me as someone who always wants to have fun listing Pleasure as 3 and 1.
- The great news was there were no major surprises. Just some things I need to be aware of and work on.
Men, I encourage you to go through this exercise as well. It will be interesting what you find out.
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