Pastors and church leaders, has a large portion of your adult attendance been previously disillusioned with God and the church?  Have they felt disenfranchised in their spiritual journey?  Was there a period of time they quit going to church, perhaps during and after college, and have now returned?  Are they now finding love and acceptance in their spiritual journey? 

Today I had a very interesting conversation with a gentlemen.  Let me describe him:

  • HIGHLY, HIGHLY educated.
  • Very successful professional.
  • Was saved and deeply connected to a prominent ministry as a child.
  • Saw the dark under-belly of ministry and its worst parts.
  • Fell away from God and the church and starting living a reckless and destructive lifestyle during high school and college.
  • As an adult was abandoned by his church and offered no help during a period of unemployment.
  • However, has now found a good church home and has recently returned to active, regular worship.
  • Is now passionate about living for Jesus though still struggles with disillusionment about people in the church.

Because he had previously two horrible experiences with churches, I asked him what he was looking for in a church as he returned with his family.  The following were his answers.  They give us insights into the hearts and minds of dechurched individuals returning to their spiritual roots.

First Impressions

  • He was looking for “curb appeal”.
  • “Were the people engaging but at the same time lacked aggression?”
  • Was the building “confusing”?
  • Did it have “wide-open space” with a coffee area and bookstore?
  • What type of experience would his kids have?  Was it safe?

Music 

  • “It takes up half the service.” 
  • He wanted it to be “good, vibrant, and inspiring.”

How do they do announcements?

  • “Don’t make me stand.”
  • “Don’t make me chant.”

Message

  • “Needs to be well thought out.”
  • He likes series.
  • “Make the Word of God relatable to my life.” 

Issues

  • “I am worried about my time, my quality of time.”
  • “I want to be a good father and husband.”
  • “Help me with my time with God.”
  • “I want to deal with harder issues.” 

Then I asked him to tell me about the close of the service or “the ask”.

  • He wants the leadership to ask him “to get plugged in with individuals”.  *Note – That was interesting to me.  Rather than connecting to God, the initial connection would be to other people.
  • He wants the church to “drive people to groups”.
  • “What does God expect of me?”

What Connects With Him

  • He said, “What keeps me going is when leadership is real.  When leadership says, ‘I blew it.'”

Pastors and church leaders, I found this conversation with someone who accepted Christ and lived for him until high school and college, but was now returning to the faith, fascinating.  At your next leadership meeting, go through this list and see if there is a common journey to those in your church who have returned to the faith as adults.

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