21 Things Unchurched Men Are Experiencing When Dragged To Church By Their Wives

Since the beginning of time, grown men have risen early to go out and kill the beast so they can feed their families.  Grown men have always been hunters, protectors and providers.  Not much has changed.  This is our natural calling. The hunt now takes place at our places of employment but the challenge still remains.  Because of this, grown men are proud and demand respect.

Recently, I friend of mine was taken to an event “under duress” by his wife.  It was a seminar on healthy living and proper eating by a wellness doctor.  As he began telling me about his experience, I realized the obvious parallels between his seminar visit and the experience many unchurched men have when dragged to church by their wives.

Below is the recount of his experience and feelings.  I also offer some insights for churches wanting to better reach unchurched men for Christ.

The following are 21 Things Unchurched Men Are Experiencing When Dragged To Church By Their Wives:

1. Unchurched Men Have Likely Resisted Visiting Your Church For Years And Are Not Happy About Coming – His wife had hinted she had plans for him but would not fully reveal them.  She finally revealed it was a visit to a wellness doctor seminar.  The men had resisted visiting this doctor for years.  Unchurched men have likely resisted visiting your church for years as well and have now been ambushed or guilted into the visit.  They are not happy about being there.
2. Unchurched Men Think The Message Is Irrelevant, Possibly Crazy, And Will Not Help Them With The Issues They Face On A Daily Basis – This is why the man resisted going to visit with the doctor for so long.  He thought the doctor’s alternative approach to health was completely false and did not agree with it.  The word “quack” was even uttered.
3. Conflict Is Coming To Your Parking Lot – As they drove to the seminar, there was little conversation in the car.  On a 90+ degree evening, it was actually quite chilly inside the car!  Furthermore, knowing how wellness doctors feel about drinks with sugar, he stopped by a fast food restaurant and walked into the seminar with a large sweet tea.  All church parking teams need to know this dynamic is coming to your property.  So make parking surprisingly fun, easy and very loving.  Otherwise, the unchurched man will hear nothing your pastor has to say.
4. An Exit Strategy Is Already In Place – The seminar was scheduled from 6:00 PM to 7:30 PM.  He had purchased movie tickets for 8:00 PM.  Unchurched men will likely have something scheduled immediately after the service providing them a “We’ve got to go” exit strategy.
5. “All They Want Is My Money” – Right inside the seminar’s doors was a display selling protein drinks.  Immediately, the man was even more turned off.  “All they want is my money”, he thought.
6. Church Bulletins Matter  – A greeter then handed him a magazine and the inserts fell out all over the floor.  “You have got to be kidding me”, he thought.
7. Seating Location Is Important – The man sat on the back row, put his head down, pulled out his phone, crossed his arms, and prayed no one would speak to him.  One of the goals of your services should be to have men on the back row look up  and uncross their arms.  These are steps toward salvation.
8. Start On Time – At 6:02 PM the man was thinking, “If they aren’t starting on-time, they will definitely not be finishing on-time.”  Unchurched men may be looking at their watch the entire time of their first visit.
9. Speak Directly To Unchurched Men About Things Unchurched Men Like – The speaker immediately encouraged the men to “be the hero of your story.”  This caused the man to look up and listen.  Unchurched men respond to hunting, fishing, action movies, sports, business, cars, and yes, BEING THE HERO!  If you talk about feelings, flowers, and femininity, you run this risk of losing the unchurched man.
10. Talk To Unchurched Men About Sports – There were several references to LeBron James.  The speaker was reeling the man in.
11. Talk To Unchurched Men About Business, Money And Success – The speaker then showed graphs and charts showing the correlation between good health and business success and increased earning potential.  This got this man’s attention  .
12. Keep Talking To Unchurched Men About Sports – The speaker then began referencing even more athletes.  The man began softening as this was turning into an ESPN special.
13. Talk To Unchurched Men About How To Get Smarter – Grown men have pride and do not want to appear dumb.  The speaker then discussed how a better diet increases mental acceleration and cognitive skills.
14. Lighting Matters – Unchurched men are mentally exhausted when they visit your church for the first time.  And because of the world we live in, probably physically exhausted as well.  The seminar’s lights were dimmed so people could see the screen.  The good news was people could see the screen.  The bad news was the man could barely stay awake.  Church leaders, your church is likely too dark.  Your people are fighting to stay awake.  Turn up the lights!  You do not want your services to turn into a test of endurance.
15. Diligently Work On Your Sermons – The man had enjoyed the content related to sports, business and success, but he still spent too much time staring out the window.
16. Appearance Matters – The speaker was physically in-shape, wore a nice outfit, and was an athlete.  This gave him credibility.  Good taste removes barriers and never goes out of style.
17. The Participation Challenge – I have often wondered why so many people no longer sing in our services.  The man did not want to participate with the speaker.  Just to restate it, the man did not even want to be there.  Worship leaders, he sure did not want to raise his hands and spin around!
18. Provide Unchurched Men With Simple Next Steps – The speaker gave simple next steps regarding diet and how to get in better shape.  These were also practical first steps even he could do while not fully buying-into everything being taught.
19. Motivate Unchurched Men In A Memorable Way – All men love a good challenge.  The speaker said, “Life doesn’t get easier.  You must get stronger.”  Contrast (easier/stronger) makes statements memorable.
20. Offer Unchurched Men Solutions To The Issues They Face – The speaker closed with a Jim Rohn statement, “Either you run the day or the day runs you.”  This speaks to relevancy.
21. Wives Must Show Tremendous Grace To Unchurched Husbands And Make Them The Hero – The trip to the seminar was not enjoyable.  In fact, it resulted in the husband making an extended apology.  The wife must now show tremendous grace.  Otherwise, the man will think, “This isn’t worth it” and never go back to another seminar.  The journey will end.  Ladies, if an unchurched husband visits church, show your appreciation.  Make him the hero!  If you do, he will likely come back.  Every man wants to be the hero.

What is one thing from this list you can use today to reach more unchurched men from Christ?

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