The only difference between anger and danger is a “D”.  Unfortunately, I am seeing a lot of angry pastors lately and as a result, I am seeing a lot of pastors who are unknowingly in danger.  If this describes you, I want to proactively offer you some help before it’s too late.

Shawn Lovejoy is the Founder & CEO of  If you are a pastor or church leader who desires someone to come alongside you and help you become a success in life and everything God created you to be as a pastor, spouse, parent or friend, there is no one I recommend more than Shawn.  This is not hyperbole.  If you are wanting to reach your potential, click HERE and start a conversation with him TODAY.

Recently, he conducted an online coaching session to help pastors become kinder, gentler leaders.  I found the content so helpful I wanted to share it with my audience as well.

These thoughts originated from the monthly #CourageToLead Courageous Community Call!  If you could benefit from a monthly coaching call, join the Courageous Community at

The following are 17 Ways To Be A Kinder, Gentler Pastor And Leader”

  1. Don’t Lead Fatigued – “I don’t believe in balance.  I believe biblically God advocates rhythm.  Intensity – Rest, Intensity – Rest.”
  2. Spend More Time On The “Why” Than The “What” – “Don’t be a pastor that manages and facilitates all the meetings and hands out all the orders.”
  3.  Take A Weekly Stroll Through The Offices – “Put 30 minutes on your calendar every week.  Walk through your offices and don’t be in a hurry… Make every interaction you have with your team members to be the highlight of their day.”
  4. Be Demanding Without Being Demeaning – “Great leaders do challenge their teams to improve, get better but being a kinder, gentler leader doesn’t mean we can’t have high expectations from our team.”
  5. Tell People We Love Them – “Shock the world.  When you finish a conversation say, ‘You know I love you, right?..  Love empowers coaching and accountability.'”
  6. Assume The Best About People – “Don’t take everything so personal… Think about how you can develop people rather than discard them.”
  7. Keep A Clean Slate And A Short Memory – “If something bothers you, if something frustrates you, go ahead and tell your team.”
  8. Do The Right Thing The Right Way – “There’s a wrong way to do the right thing… If you do the right thing the wrong way you’ll still get fired.”
  9. Guard My Tongue – “Believe it or not, you should not say everything that comes to your mind… HELP  H – Is this Honoring to God and other people?  E – Is this Encouraging or demeaning?  L – Is this Loving.  It has to do with the way I say it?  P – Peacemaking.  Is this peacemaking?  Conflict is inevitable but drama is a choice.”
  10. Be Consistent In Our Meetings With Our Leaders – “If the only time people hear from you is when there is a problem, your a bad leader… Being too busy for your people is a cop out.”
  11. Have Meetings Before The Meeting 
  12. Ask For Consistent Feedback – “If it is great, be specific.  It helps me…  Most people won’t buy-in unless they weigh-in.”
  13. Normalize The Coaching Conversation – “Always begin with affirmation…  It is not your  job to convict people.  That is the Holy Spirit’s job.”
  14. Lead With Questions Not Commands – “The lowest level of leadership is positional leadership…  I’m going to ask something, not demand something.”
  15. Confront Privately – “The opposite of conflict is not peace.  It is artificial harmony and iron sharpens iron through friction and heat…  Their response is not our responsibility.”
  16. Balance Truth With Grace – “Make sure you’re willing to forgive.  They shouldn’t have to ask for forgiveness.  Forgiveness is a spiritual decision and it’s between us and God first.  Choose to forgive.”
  17. In Everything Be Filled With The Spirit – “The Fruit of The Spirt is love, joy, and it’s peace, and it’s forbearance, and it’s kindness, it’s goodness, and it’s faithfulness, it’s gentleness, and it’s self-control… Frankly, if He is filling me with His Spirit, the fruit of that will be a gentler, kinder Shawn Lovejoy and that’s what I want for you guys.”

What is one thing from Shawn’s coaching which will make you a gentler, kinder pastor?


Click HERE or on the image to the left and as a free gift for subscribing to this site, you can receive my new Ebook 1269 Leadership Quotes: Timeless Truths From 2016’s Top Christian Leadership Conferences.  Featured are the Johnny Hunt Mens Conference, ReThink Leadership, Orange and Leadercast Conferences among others.  If applied, these insights will make you an exponentially better leader.  Enjoy!!!



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