The only difference between anger and danger is a “D”. Unfortunately, I am seeing a lot of angry pastors lately and as a result, I am seeing a lot of pastors who are unknowingly in danger. If this describes you, I want to proactively offer you some help before it’s too late.
Shawn Lovejoy is the Founder & CEO of CourageToLead.com. If you are a pastor or church leader who desires someone to come alongside you and help you become a success in life and everything God created you to be as a pastor, spouse, parent or friend, there is no one I recommend more than Shawn. This is not hyperbole. If you are wanting to reach your potential, click HERE and start a conversation with him TODAY.
Recently, he conducted an online coaching session to help pastors become kinder, gentler leaders. I found the content so helpful I wanted to share it with my audience as well.
These thoughts originated from the monthly #CourageToLead Courageous Community Call! If you could benefit from a monthly coaching call, join the Courageous Community at couragetolead.com/courageous-community/.
The following are 17 Ways To Be A Kinder, Gentler Pastor And Leader”
- Don’t Lead Fatigued – “I don’t believe in balance. I believe biblically God advocates rhythm. Intensity – Rest, Intensity – Rest.”
- Spend More Time On The “Why” Than The “What” – “Don’t be a pastor that manages and facilitates all the meetings and hands out all the orders.”
- Take A Weekly Stroll Through The Offices – “Put 30 minutes on your calendar every week. Walk through your offices and don’t be in a hurry… Make every interaction you have with your team members to be the highlight of their day.”
- Be Demanding Without Being Demeaning – “Great leaders do challenge their teams to improve, get better but being a kinder, gentler leader doesn’t mean we can’t have high expectations from our team.”
- Tell People We Love Them – “Shock the world. When you finish a conversation say, ‘You know I love you, right?.. Love empowers coaching and accountability.'”
- Assume The Best About People – “Don’t take everything so personal… Think about how you can develop people rather than discard them.”
- Keep A Clean Slate And A Short Memory – “If something bothers you, if something frustrates you, go ahead and tell your team.”
- Do The Right Thing The Right Way – “There’s a wrong way to do the right thing… If you do the right thing the wrong way you’ll still get fired.”
- Guard My Tongue – “Believe it or not, you should not say everything that comes to your mind… HELP H – Is this Honoring to God and other people? E – Is this Encouraging or demeaning? L – Is this Loving. It has to do with the way I say it? P – Peacemaking. Is this peacemaking? Conflict is inevitable but drama is a choice.”
- Be Consistent In Our Meetings With Our Leaders – “If the only time people hear from you is when there is a problem, your a bad leader… Being too busy for your people is a cop out.”
- Have Meetings Before The Meeting
- Ask For Consistent Feedback – “If it is great, be specific. It helps me… Most people won’t buy-in unless they weigh-in.”
- Normalize The Coaching Conversation – “Always begin with affirmation… It is not your job to convict people. That is the Holy Spirit’s job.”
- Lead With Questions Not Commands – “The lowest level of leadership is positional leadership… I’m going to ask something, not demand something.”
- Confront Privately – “The opposite of conflict is not peace. It is artificial harmony and iron sharpens iron through friction and heat… Their response is not our responsibility.”
- Balance Truth With Grace – “Make sure you’re willing to forgive. They shouldn’t have to ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness is a spiritual decision and it’s between us and God first. Choose to forgive.”
- In Everything Be Filled With The Spirit – “The Fruit of The Spirt is love, joy, and it’s peace, and it’s forbearance, and it’s kindness, it’s goodness, and it’s faithfulness, it’s gentleness, and it’s self-control… Frankly, if He is filling me with His Spirit, the fruit of that will be a gentler, kinder Shawn Lovejoy and that’s what I want for you guys.”
What is one thing from Shawn’s coaching which will make you a gentler, kinder pastor?
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