Father’s Day was this past Sunday. The reality is that this day brings many people an extraordinary amount of pain and regret. Many readers of this post may have had a terrible father who did not love them very much, if at all. Many readers may have been abused or abandoned by a man who was supposed to love and protect them.
So what do you do with that level of pain, bitterness, and regret? How do you process that sense of loss?
Derwin Gray is an incredible pastor and leader. I have written two posts about him previously. You can read The 25 Greatest Leadership Quotes On Cross-Cultural, Multi-Racial, Multi-Generational Ministry I’ve Ever Heards and The Most Naturally Gifted Pastoral Leader I Have Seen In The Last 35 Years by simply clicking the links.
Back in February, he graciously gave me a copy of his book Hero. It has had an incredible impact on my life. I recommend it to all men (and women) who desire to become the Hero God has called them to be.
By the end of the second chapter, I was re-evaluating my own relationship with my deceased dad. The following are some of the book’s quotes that challenged me as a son, a father, and as a leader:
- “The average man is drowning in a turbulent sea of obligations, unmet expectations, and duties that even Superman would struggle to fulfill.”
- “The dreams of men have been shattered by the cold reality of life.”
- “Many men are lonely.”
- “God’s greatest and most fantastic creation (human beings) looks at you in the mirror every morning, buys Starbucks coffee with you, and, yes, even cuts you off in morning traffic.”
- “That moment was a turning point in my life. I decided to live as though he did not exist. I became determined to show my dad that I could make it without him. Many men fail to live a heroic life because they are being held prisoner by their father wounds.”
- “Anger and unforgiveness rule in your heart instead of love. These feelings toward your father are like YOU drinking poison and hoping HE dies.”
- “Every little boy naturally sees his father as a godlike figure.”
- “It was not until I embraced God as my Father that I was empowered to forgive my earthly father and develop a healthy relationship with him.”
- “None of our fathers are perfect, and none of us will be perfect fathers. But there is a Perfect Father who loves you and cheers you on.”
- “Write your father (or your mother) a letter, even if they are dead. Tell him that you forgive him, and that you love him. If you do not feel this way, pray and ask God to give you the power that is needed.”
This post is very personal to me. On Father’s Day, I stood over a gravesite, told my dead father I loved him, and that I forgave him.
Some of you probably need to do the same.
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