Hard conversations are just that, hard. Leaders lose influence when afflicted with passivity. Rarely have I witnessed “healthy” conflict. However, hard conversations, confrontation, and conflict are part of the leadership experience. As a result, leaders need to develop skills in these critical areas.
Today, I attended an event entitled Lunch With A Leader. This is a monthly gathering at NorthStar Church (Kennesaw, Ga) of over 100 of the areas top civic, business, athletic, and educational leaders. These leaders gather to hear the church’s pastor Mike Linch teach leadership from a biblical perspective.
Today, Mike addressed hard conversations, confrontation, and conflict using the story of the prophet Nathan confronting King David about his sin. The following are 33 lessons from this luncheon. All quotes are from Mike.
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Even as a spiritual leader, you’re going to have to have confrontation. You’re going to have to have courageous conversations.
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Being a spiritual leader does not mean you are a doormat everyone runs over.
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It is impossible to avoid conflict and be alive at the same time.
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If there are more than two people gathered, there is potential for conflict.
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The larger your organization grows and the further you get away from the mission, the higher chance there is for conflict.
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Conflict is inevitable. Procrastination makes conflict worse.
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The confrontation is usually not as bad as you anticipated.
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A hard conversation is going to be hard now and harder later.
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“Wounds from a sincere friends are better than many kisses from an enemy.” – Proverbs 27:6
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When to confront – be sensitive in your timing.
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Examine my motives.
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Don’t react out of emotion.
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Find enough time to talk it through thoroughly. Prioritize the time.
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The one calling the meeting owns the agenda.
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“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” – Lady Dorothy Nevill
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Sometimes it’s not what you say. It’s what you didn’t say.
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Be careful with your tone.
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Leaders are thermostats. They set the temperature of the conversation.
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Meet face-to-face. It is worth your time and their time.
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Choose your words carefully but choose your attitude more carefully.
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One of the best things you can do for a marriage is assume the best about your spouse.
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If the reaction is more than the action, the problem usually increases. If the reaction is less than the action, the problem usually decreases.
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People should never be surprised by hard conversations.
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“If the only tool is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.” – Abraham Maslow
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“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1
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We live in a world where everything is recorded. An entire career can hang on one sentence.
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Be sure of your facts.
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Address specific actions. Don’t talk in generalities. Be specific.
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Emotion is a great thing and a killer. Emotion can kill you as a leader.
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Act in the best interest of the person and the organization.
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Ask for God for wisdom and courage.
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I wanted to extend grace to someone so much it became a lid to our organization.
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Have the conversations. Don’t look for them. Don’t be that leader but have them.
If you are not listening listening to Mike’s podcast, Linch With A Leader, I recommend you start today by clicking HERE.
What is one thing you learned about hard conversations, confrontation and conflict which will make you a better leader?
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