I’m 53 years old and I’m going through a particular stage in my life where I am reevaluating what is important. It has been a humbling experience because I am beginning to realize how many opportunities I have wasted over the years.
In the 1990s, I had the privilege of sitting under a Sunday School teacher who was in the process of becoming one of the most influential Christian business leaders in America. Did I learn everything I could from him about Christ, or being a great husband, or team building, or creativity, or money management, or what success truly is, or how to leverage influence, or building culture, or creating a brand, or becoming a more effective servant leader? NO! As the class coordinator, I spent too much time being hyper-focused on the roll, and contacting people who were absent, or how prepared was the guest teacher.
I have also had the privilege on serving on leadership teams with some of the greatest and most well-known pastors in America. Did I learn everything I could about how to interpret Scripture, or how to listen to the Holy Spirit, or how to pray, or how to be a better husband or father, or on what being a Godly man who can influence thousands mean? NO! As a congregational leader, I spent too much time passionately debating about should a sermon be 20, 30, 35, 40 or 45 minutes long, why certain greeters were at certain doors, should we sing three or four songs, and should the children’s ministry receive a budget increase of 2 or 3%.
And oh my, can Christian leaders rationalize this behavior in the name of excellence and good stewardship.
But as I reflect on my life at 53 years old, honestly, the length of the sermons I fought so passionately for mattered very little in comparison to something else. The skill and ability of the guest Sunday school teacher did not matter. Neither did the 1% variance in a departmental budget. A particular phrase in the third sentence of our mission statement which we took three days to craft mattered little. I could go on and on.
Granted, God has allowed me to live an amazing life. I have been part of building great buildings, crafting life-changing mission statements, coached and been encouraged by countless church staff members, received standing ovations, prayed for people who have been healed, and seen immeasurable life change. No complaints at all.
But let me blunt. For example, I sat on an elder board with the great pastor and bible teacher Crawford Loritts for five years. I literally sat in the chair on his left for three of those years. And I actually spent part of my time talking with this great man about things like a 5-minute variances in sermon length. What a waste! I could have used that time learning how to deepen my relationship with God, improving my prayer life, enhancing my communication skills, learning how to better love my wife, how to attach more people to the church’s mission and vision, how to create disciples, and how to better leave a Godly legacy. And yet, I was talking about things like leveraging bumper videos. I repeat, what a waste!
None of that matters 10 or 20 years later!!!
What mattered was the great leaders I sat under, the great leaders I served alongside of, the great leaders I helped raise up, and the relationships I built with each. Relationship, not processes, are what mattered.
This past weekend, legendary first baseman Albert Pujols returned to play against his long-time team the St. Louis Cardinals. Pujols ranks second in the franchise’s history with 445 homers, 1,329 RBIs and 915 extra-base hits. He is a sure-fire first ballot Hall of Famer. As he approached the plate, the video below shows what then took place.
Afterwards, Pujols said, “I think the best things you build in this game is the relationships. Nobody can take that away from you. And you play this game for 20 years or whatever — hopefully you live longer than what you play. That’s why you build these great relationships. That is why it’s more important to me than what I have accomplished.”
I agree with Albert. At 53 years old, relationships are more important to me that what I have accomplished.
I look back on the great leaders I have had the privilege of knowing and I feel a sense of loss and missed opportunity. I was so busy focused on accomplishment, getting things done, building a career, and carving out my place in this world that I missed out on the gift of deeper relationships.
In my 20s, 30s, and early 40s, I focused on Money, Prestige, Awards, Titles, and Accomplishments. I guess that is what young people do. However, at 53 years old, I would still want all of those things. No doubt.But they are not as important to me as relationships.
Young leaders, don’t be so focused on building a career and life that you run right past what you will one day value the most, relationships.
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