My daughter is getting married on October 7th. As a result, our family is in full wedding-planning mode. Today, I joined my wife, in-laws, and a wonderful saleslady named Lisa at the local Macy’s to pick out my suit for the upcoming ceremony.
I’m not a big fan of shopping. I could name countless other things I would rather be doing than spending time in a mall picking out clothes. Despite this, I was doing pretty well until it came time to purchase two ties to go with my suit. I was perplexed for two primary reasons – first, why two ties and not just one? Second, what about all the ties I never wear hanging in my closet?
Oh well, as my wife, mother-in-law, and Lisa were going through the seemingly countless options of which ties which would look great with my suit, I said, “Can I have a vote?” My wife and mother-in-law simply carried on as if I said nothing. At least Lisa smiled and pleasantly said, “No.”
It was at that moment I learned three signs of a leader who is not in charge (even if they think they are) and simply needs to step aside.
Little To No Influence
My fashion sense begins and ends with basic colors, designs, and styles. Rarely will see me in anything other than blue jeans and a collared shirt or workout clothes. Being fitted for a suit and picking out something “which will not clash with the boutonniere” is clearly outside my comfort zone.
A leader is not in charge and needs to step aside when they lack influence on a particular topic. I may have a certain level of positional authority, though I always defer to my father-in-law as my elder and patriarch of the family, but I quickly knew I had no influence on any decisions being made.
Little To No Subject-Matter Knowledge
During the entire process, I continually deferred to Lisa. With every word and suggestion, you could tell she was making the wedding a better experience for us. Lisa was clearly an expert on men’s fashion. I went with every suggestion she made.
Few things erode people’s confidence in a leader more than when the leader persists in forwarding a conversation or agenda they have little knowledge of while those on their team are subject matter experts. Simply put, they don’t know what they are talking about. That leader needs the humility to step aside, delegate, and then celebrate the success of those on their team who are smarter than they are on the topic at hand.
Little To No Perspective
Leaders need to develop the ability to intuitively understand how to best bring value to whatever room they may be in. Because of my lack of influence and subject-matter knowledge of wedding apparel, I needed to understand my highest and best use was to stand quietly off to the side and not cause trouble. As The Rock used to say, “You need to know your role and shut your mouth!”
More importantly, the place where I could best add value was simply in funding the purchase, not giving design ideas.
Before entering any meeting or engaging in any conversation, leaders should always pre-determine where they can add the most value and leverage their influence there.
Conclusion
Leaders, when you are in a situation where you have little to no influence or subject-matter knowledge, you need to leverage your influence in ways that make everyone else as successful as possible. For me, today meant being a good team player and funding the operation, my opinions were not needed or wanted. For you it may mean something different, but you still need to be humble enough to admit when you are not in charge and step aside.
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