On this date 39 years ago, August 23 , 1973, four individuals were taken captive when Jan-Erik Olsson attempted a bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden. Over the course of a six-day standoff with the police, several of the captives became sympathetic to Olsson. This condition of developing compassion, sympathy, and even positive feelings for one’s captors became known as the Stockholm Syndrome.
The Stockholm Syndrome is a coping mechanism which helps people deal with abusive (and sometimes life-threatening) individuals. These situations could be as extreme as the hostage situation from 1973, but could also include abusive or toxic relationships in the home, workplace, or athletic arena.
I have worked for toxic bosses before. There is a good chance many people reading this post have as well. Candidly, there were times I felt I was experiencing Stockholm Syndrome as I continually made excuses for the behavior of these harmful individuals. Fortunately, toxic leaders can’t help but eventually lose all their influence and ultimately their leadership positions as well.
To help identify toxic leaders, the following is a composite picture of bosses who I have seen harm those they are called to serve:
Toxic Bosses have explosive tempers.
There is a constant state of volatility surrounding these leaders. They are angry. As a result, their team members walk on eggshells around them. You never know what will set them off.
Toxic Bosses lead by fear.
They hold people’s jobs over their heads. Unreasonable expectations and constant threats become institutionalized. As a result, their employees lack any sense of security and constantly fear for their jobs.
Toxic Bosses breed unhealthy competition amongst teammates.
People are constantly compared to and pitted against each other. As a result, the workplace lacks trust and unity. Gossip is a constant in toxic environments.
Toxic Bosses tear people down.
Toxic bosses are bullies. They are manipulative. Rather than developing people and building them up, they often target a few employees and continually verbally abuse them both to their face and behind their back to others. They backstab. Toxic bosses at their core are cowards.
Toxic Bosses never take responsibility for their failures.
“That was my fault.” “I made a mistake.” “Please forgive me.” These phrases are not part of the vernacular of toxic bosses. And if they come close to an apology, they will then use the word “but” and blame others for their behavior.
Toxic Bosses are reckless.
Toxicity has an absence of boundaries. They are reckless with their language and how they treat the opposite sex. My experience is they have also been reckless in every area of their life, including their diet, alcohol consumption, and questionable viewing habits.
Toxic Bosses rarely acknowledge excellent work.
Their toxicity has eclipsed their ability to celebrate.
Toxic Bosses have unhappy privates lives.
You can’t compartmentalize toxicity. A toxic boss often has a toxic marriage and toxic relationships with their children.
Toxic Bosses withhold blessings from their employees.
Toxicity and generosity cannot occupy the same space.
Toxic Bosses have high turnover.
Toxicity is unsustainable. Emotionally healthy individuals will self-select out of toxic environments. Toxic bosses also lose many clients and strategic partnerships.
If work for a toxic boss, you do not have to succumb to the Stockholm Syndrome. You are a leader who can escape. There are too many other options out there.
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