One of my favorite sayings is the only difference between anger and danger is a “d”.  This principle was on full display this past week in the lives of Patrick Mahomes, Draymond Green, and Giannis Antetokounmpo.

It was a reminder of five questions leaders are asking about anger and the loss of emotional control:

Typical Performance vs. Maximum Performance

As leaders, we are rarely remembered for our typical, consistent, daily performance.  We are often remembered by our best times and worst times.

Patrick Mahomes will long be remembered for hosting two Lombardi Trophies and the multiple off-script, creative plays we had never seen from the quarterback position before.  Those are his highs.  That was his maximum performance.

Unfortunately, Mahomes will also now be remembered for his multiple f-bombs and unhinged behavior from last week’s final moments in a loss to the Buffalo Bills and his postgame handshake with Bills quarterback Josh Allen.  The following is a picture of his outburst we simply cannot unsee.

This is one of the dangers of anger.  When we lose emotional control, it creates a lasting memory from our worst moments.

Mahomes’s storm of emotion was likely not the result of a single play.  But similar to a tidal wave which gains momentum far off the coast and crashes onshore, it was likely due to a months-long buildup of items beneath the surface which exploded in a single moment.

Leaders, what do you want to be remembered for?

Are things building up in your life right now which could cause a public blow-up and loss of emotional control? If so, deal with those issues now before you have one of those worst moments you will be long remembered for.

The Oreo Principle

In this edition of The Knowledge Project podcast, legendary Trinity head coach Paul Assaiante had a brilliant observation using of all things, an Oreo cookie. The 17-time national squash champion teaches there are three parts to an Oreo cookie.

1. One cookie represents your thoughts.
2. The other cookie represents your actions.
3. The cream in the middle represents the distance between your thoughts and actions.

When actor Will Smith slapped Oscars host Chris Rock, Assaiante observed Smith did not have enough cream in his cookie.  There was not enough distance between his thoughts of Rock’s jokes and his response to them.

Leaders, what is the proper amount of time between your thoughts and actions?

For more on the Smith/Rock incident, click 5 Leadership Lessons From Will Smith’s Slap Heard Round The World.

The Power Of An Apology

I give Mahomes credit.  No one is perfect and people in the public eye often have everyone witness their worst moments on a disproportionately large scale.  When a leader makes a mistake, their first response should be to simply apologize.  Own it.  Learn from it.  And that is what Mahomes did.  He apologized to both Allen and the game’s officials.

Apologies are actually a sign of strength.  They demonstrate amazing self-awareness.  Apologies are a sign of contrition and humility.  Once again, no one is perfect.

Leaders, do you have the self-awareness to know when you made a mistake and then the humility to apologize for it?

Alignment and Assignment

ESPN’s Ryan Clark made an interesting point in the following segment from the December 11th edition of First Take.  Click the image below and listen to his comments on the subject of Alignment and Assignment:

Clark said the first thing coaches tell players is to know their alignment and assignment, know where to line up and know what to do.

When your team is not where they are supposed to be and unclear about their responsibilities, it can cause significant frustration, and even anger, in the lives of their leaders.  Leaders can combat this by properly training their teams on the fundamentals of their jobs and equipping them for success.

Leaders, does your team know their responsibilities and have you positioned them for success?

Foolish Leaders

The Bible is the greatest leadership book ever written.  It is my ultimate source of truth for leadership items.  So, what does the Bible say about leaders who are angry and lose emotional control?

1. “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” – Ephesians 4:25-27 (ESV)
2. “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” – James 1:19-20 (ESV)
3. “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” – Proverbs 29:11 (ESV)
4. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)
5. “Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.” – Proverbs 14:29 (NIV)
6. “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” – Proverbs 29:11 (NIV)
7. “Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.” – Proverbs 12:16 (NIV)
8. “It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.” – Proverbs 20:3 (NIV)
9. “The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.” – Proverbs 19:11 (KJV)
10. “An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.” – Proverbs 29:22 (KJV)
11. “Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.” – Ecclesiastes 7:9 (KJV)
12. “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” – Romans 12:21 (KJV)
13. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.” – Ephesians 4:31 (KJV)
14. “A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.” – Proverbs 15:18 (KJV)
15. “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go.” – Proverbs 22:24 (KJV)

That is what the Bible says about angry leaders.  What do you say about angry leaders?

Conclusion

The following are five questions leaders are asking about anger and the loss of emotional control:

1. What do you want to be remembered for?
2. What is the proper amount of time between your thoughts and actions?
3. Do you have the self-awareness to know when you made a mistake and then the humility to apologize for it?
4. Does your team know their responsibilities and have you positioned them for success?
5. What do you say about angry leaders?

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