Most couples think engagement is about preparing for a wedding. While this two-to-four hour party certainly seems all-consuming, I am more interested in what happens the following 20-to-40 years. I tell the young man to let the bride and her mother work out all the wedding details, he needs to focus on planning a life.
I have found much of the pre-marital counseling couples receive lacking in preparing them for the real-life issues that sink a marriage. As I result and because I want to see them have a prevailing relationship, I ask a different level of questions when given the opportunity.
The Hard Questions
The following are 15 Questions Engaged Couples Should Answer Before Getting Married:
- Let’s set the tone early. If one of you is sexually unsatisfied, how are you going to handle it? Are you going to talk about it together or handle it internally? If you handle it internally, are you going to suppress your feelings and if so, for how long? Or are you going to seek out more destructive solutions?
- OK, now some questions less challenging. Let’s talk about finances, the number one cause of divorce. What are you willing to go in debt over?
- Who will handle the budget?
- How will each person handle it when the budget says, “No”?
- Regarding conflict, how do you argue? What are the lines you don’t cross?
- Do both of you say “I’m sorry” or is it one person who always yields and/or takes the blame? Because if both don’t say “I’m sorry” on a regular basis, the other will resent it after awhile.
- Where are you going to spend holidays and why?
- How many children are you going to have?
- How are you going to discipline these children?
- What type of education will they have? Homeschool, private, or public and why?
- What are you willing to miss church over?
- What do the two of you think of tithing?
- After a hard day at work, you come home tired and exhausted. Who handles dinner?
- What are you willing to watch or not watch on television? Where’s the line on sexual content and language?
- Is it acceptable to have deep friendships with the opposite sex? Will you ever travel, have a meal, or be behind closed doors with the opposite sex?
- ***BONUS*** Is there a reason for divorce in your mind?
This is real-life stuff every couple deals with. They don’t have to be caught off guard or say, “I wish I knew this before getting married.” If they are on the same page with these questions heading into the wedding, they have a chance to have a long-lasting God-honoring marriage.
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