Recently, I was doing an analysis of my daily agenda. As I was reviewing each day’s activity it was surprising how much I forgot or simply blended into daily white noise. Much of my activities were centered around responsibilities. There were things like writing emails, making calls, developing the team, washing dishes, attending and leading meetings, checking the car’s gas and oil levels, walking the dog, grocery shopping, etc…. These are the things which constitute the white noise of my and probably your life. They are the core fundamentals of what it means to be human. These are my responsibilities.
I was also surprised at what I did remember. I remembered the great things, the fun things, the things that gave me a sense of pride. I also remembered the hard things, the difficult things, the heartbreaking things, the painful things. It was then I realized what I remember are life’s peak moments and moments in the valley.
It is the things that make us laugh and cry we ultimately remember. It is the things that make us feel something, positive or negative. It has been said and it is true, people will forgot what you said or did. They will never forget how you made them feel.
I then thought back over the last year of my life. The following are just some of the things I remembered. They all made me feel something deeply. They were all peak moments or valley moments.
- Dropping my daughter of at college
- Two vacations with my wife
- Speaking at the National Association of Church Facility Managers, 5-2-1, and WFX Conferences
- Releasing my second book
- Doing a number of podcast interviews about the book
- Calling my daughter at college and having to tell her we needed to put our dog Dixie to sleep
- Getting a new dog named Buddy
- Driving my daughter back-and-forth to college at breaks
- Interviewing my pastor and his wife as part of a sermon series
- Hard conversations at work
- Watching pastors have great capital campaign experiences and knowing I played a small role in the process
- Watching my daughter lead worship at church
- Spreading my dad’s ashes
- Sitting on the sofa many evenings with my wife. She would be doing Bible study. I would be reading some leadership book. She is much more spiritual than I am.
These are the things I remembered.
I didn’t remember the saving, packing, amount of traffic, or cost of the vacations with my wife. I just remembered the memories, wonderful meals, scenery, sunsets, relaxing, and walks on the beach. I remembered the peaks.
I then thought about my personal leadership and the people God has allowed me to serve. What they are going to remember about me? Something tells me it will not be the daily work. They will probably not remember the following:
- All the times I had their back.
- The times we shared a meal together.
- How often I told them “Great job!”
I don’t blame them. I don’t remember a lot of these things myself. But what they will remember are the peaks and valleys of my leadership. The tribal stories they well tell years from now will be my finest and worst moments. Some will make me laugh. Some will make me cringe. Either way, these are the things they will remember.
As a result of this new learning, I am changing the way I lead. I am attempting to plan and orchestrate as many peak moments as possible. I want them to laugh so hard their sides hurt. I want their victories to be sweeter. And when the valleys come, I want them to know I was there with them figuring out ways to get back to the mountaintop. These shared experiences will hopefully become a more intentional part of our team’s culture. These are the things we will remember.
Leadership should be a picture of the desired destination at which others should wish to arrive. I pray what people remember about me is a picture of where they would like to go.
What peaks and valleys will people remember about your leadership?
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