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on January 28, 2019 in Relationships

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Is it lonely at the top?  For many leaders, absolutely.  But it does not have to be this way.  Earlier today I attended a monthly coaching session called Lunch With A Leader.  This is put on by NorthStar Church in Kennesaw, GA and their senior pastor Mike Linch.

This month Mike taught from 2 Samuel 15 on the subject of leaders and their friends (or lack thereof).  It was incredibly challenging and enlightening.  Leaders, let me just say – if you are lonely there is no one to blame but yourself.  If you do not believe me, read below.  All comments are from Mike unless otherwise noted.

The following are 37 Lessons On Leaders And Their Friends (Or Lack Thereof):

  1. Leadership is one of things you dig in the more there is no know.
  2. When you want to be the leader God created you to be, you look around and not everyone has that aspiration.
  3. There’s highs and lows to everyone’s life.
  4. It can be lonely at the top.  We let it be lonely at the top.
  5. “Every leader’s potential is determined by the people closest to him.” – John Maxwell
  6. Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.
  7. As a leader, be careful who is around you and have people around you.  God did not create you to live in isolation.
  8. David loved Absalom.  And Absalom loved Absalom.
  9. Fear. Defeat. Betrayal.  It is the cost of leadership.
  10. “We will only grow to the threshold of our pain.” – Dr. Sam Chand
  11. You won’t survive you live lonely at the top.
  12. I need friends who will carry me.  There will be times your legs will give out and you need someone to carry you.
  13. “Friendship is born at the moment one person says to another, ‘What, you too?  I thought I was the only one.'” – C.S. Lewis
  14. I need friends who will challenge me.
  15. The biggest area we need challenging is spiritually.
  16. “My best friend is one who brings out the best in me.” – Henry Ford
  17. Who challenges me spiritually?
  18. Who pushes me to be better than I am?
  19. This isn’t about what you do.  It is about who you are.
  20. I challenge you to be plugged into a local church.
  21. I need friends who will defend me.
  22. They stand in my corner.
  23. We all need friends who will defend us.  One of the worst things in the world is having to defend yourself.
  24. You don’t know how bad you need them until you need them.
  25. “A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a little bit more wonderful than you really are.” – John Maxwell
  26. I need friends who will encourage me.
  27. Do you know how someone needs encouraging, they’re breathing.
  28. The ministry of presence – sometimes the greatest encouragement you will receive is someone is just there.
  29. We all need friends who encourage us.  It is up to us to create those circles.  As leaders, we are great in creating systems and laying out structure.  We are not good in laying out a structure for friends.
  30. Friends are not optional, they’re essential.
  31. You need people who are around you not because of what you do, but who you are.
  32. Friends are not neutral, they impact our lives.
  33. CAVE People – Constantly Against Virtually Everything
  34. If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.
  35. Friends are not automatic, they must be cultivated.  Trust takes time.
  36. “You cannot sustain a deep relationship with everyone, nor should you try.  But you should cultivate genuine, deep friendships with a few people.” – John Maxwell
  37. Spiritual leaders need friends.  You were not meant to do this alone.

What is one thing about leadership and relationships did you learn from Mike’s comments?

Also, my book Timeless: 10 Enduring Practices Of Apex Leaders is available for purchase.  If you have ever wanted to become the leader God created you to be, this book is for you!  By combining leadership lessons from biblical heroes like Jesus, Daniel and Joseph, along with modern day leaders like Bill Gates, Nick Saban, Kobe Bryant and multiple pastors, Timeless will equip and inspire you.  This book is not to be read alone.  Discussion questions are included in each chapter allowing you to develop those in your circle of influence.  Click HERE or on the image provided and order your copies TODAY.

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